Summer Camp Part II
Zebras, Bears and Skin-walkers
Hello and welcome to Loved Like Lazarus! I am going to continue the theme by telling you another, “this one time at summer camp” story.
Almost all the backpacking trips at my summer camp were hiking in the San Juan mountains of Colorado. But there was one coveted trip that was unique, the rafting trip. It was a 5-day-trip down a stretch of the Gunnison River, from Delta to Grand Junction. Aptly named a ‘float-n-bloat’, the river is mostly calm with hardly any rapids with minimal paddling from campsite to campsite. Instead of hiking more than 10 miles to a meal of mostly canned food and preserves, the coolers in the raft can hold a large quantity of ingredients for delicious meals.
It was my third time doing the trip so I was familiar with the terrain and campsites. A few of the campsites have cow-pies strewn about because some ranches allow their cows to graze all the way down to the river. This makes it more challenging to find a hygienic spot to lay your sleeping pad 🤢. In the desert its a nice treat for the campers to sleep outside of a tarp and underneath the stars. However, you can be at a greater risk animal encounters. The second night of the trip was one of those special nights where you could even see the Milky Way stretched across the entirety of the sky. We all go to bed after a delightful time of chit-chatting under the starts.
I am a very heavy sleeper and quite angry if someone forces me out of a deep sleep. This is something my poor wife has to put up with and I feel for her. So, this night, I am forced awake by several campers shaking me. They are all yelling, “get up Ben!!! There is a bear in the camp!!! It just licked counselor Katie’s face and she punched it!!! Then it ran off over there near the kitchen!!!” To this I sleepily reply, “it’s not a bear…it’s cow… there are no bears in the desert… go back to sleep.” But they are adamant, even counselor Katie is hysterical about the encounter. I reluctantly get up and walk angrily over to the kitchen. Only to put the campers at ease, fully confident to see some cows poking around. But it WAS A BEAR, I was utterly in shock. It was standing on top of the metal cooler where all the food was kept, bouncing up and down with its front paws, it’s full body weight trying to get in. I yelled out the stereotypical phrase, “HEY BEAR!!!” while waving my arms and jumping up and down. It then turns its head and I see the bear’s menacing reflective eyes in the light of my headlamp. It is not startled and makes no move to leave, very abnormal for a black bear. Obviously, my heart skips and the hair on the back of my neck full sends. I back away slowly seeking backup.
When I am out of the bear’s view, I run back to camp. Some choice expletives are the justifiably said between the three of us counselors. I come up with a plan and retrieve some items to make some noise while the three of us commence our mission. We approach the target cautiously, banging our water bottles and shaking our sleeping bags with the same results. He is not phased in the least, just wandering around the kitchen sniffing and snorting. We retreat once more. The only thing I can think of is more men and more ammunition. I grab the three largest boy campers saying, “you got to help us, this job needs you. Will you go above and beyond the call as mere campers, to join the ranks of us counselors to scare this bear away?” In their eyes I can see the bravery, the duty, the full knowledge of the dire straits we are in. They will ride with me into battle, hope is not lost.
We rushed the bear from our fortified position, behind the palisade of river reeds and cottonwood trees. We give a rebel yell and charge, stopping in the clearing 20 yards away from the enemy. It’s a sortie of shock-n-awe, a blitzkrieg, a foray of unseen proportions. Our foe is no match for our greater numbers and firepower. The bear flees into the desert.
We then approach the battle scene where the bear has ravaged our kitchen. It is a sight to behold. Punctured water bottles, sunscreen, bug spray and toothpaste littered the field. To this day, I still use the same toiletry bag that has bear teeth punctures, so I can remember that fateful day. I reckon this had to have been a very hungry bear lost in the desert. Luckily, it didn’t penetrate our metal cooler with all the food or the trip would have been cut short.
You might say, where were the river guides? Why did they not show up in your hour of need? The two of them were camped far away, from the noisy campers. They were the only ones to do any sort of demanding physical activity the day before, navigating us down the Gunnison River and were shocked when we told them our perils in the night.
It was only the second night of the trip and most of the campers were now without water bottles and sunscreen. Our supply lines were strained. We had to call in van support from a mom that lived in Grand Junction. Moms always come though.
Counselor Katie’s fame grew throughout that summer. I am sure the bear was sniffing her hair and she batted it away thinking it was a fly. She connected with a bear snout, but it was no ‘punch’. But the campers did not care. To them she was awake the whole time and punched the bear in the face to escape, like you are supposed to punch a shark in the nose.
That wasn’t the only violence that happened on the trip. The next night we camped at the Dominguez Canyon, the highlight of the trip. There is a hike up the canyon to see petroglyphs on the red cliff walls and at times, Dominguez Creek has enough water to cliff jump into a pool below. But the fun for me ended when I accidentally slapped a camper…
He was having a lot of attitude with Katie the counselor. The three of us went aside as I tried to make sense of the situation. He was a punk and called her the B word right there in front of her and me! By the time he got to the first letter of the word my hand was already coming up. It happened so fast I wasn’t even aware of what I did. I said in a stern voice, “don’t you talk to your counselor like that.” I know now that my subconscious upholds the honor of women haha. Then it dawned on me, “holy crap I just slapped a camper!” It wasn’t a hard one. Just enough to get his attention. Like a bishop when he slaps your cheek after anointing you with confirmation oil. It is a reminder to remember the gravity of the situation. He apologized just after that.
That night I had a restless night sleep. I feared losing my job and possibly going to prison for assault against a minor. I kicked myself for my knee-jerk reaction. As a counselor, am I a mandatory reporter on myself? I took him aside in the morning and told him to keep that little interaction between us on the down low. He apologized again and said he wouldn’t tell anyone. He laughed and said he got whooped by his dad on the daily back home. Am I a mandatory reporter on that too? I decided to leave it be because he took the whole situation pretty lightly. Luckily, he turned out not to be a snitch and the brass never found out.
I hoped you enjoyed this ‘one time at summer camp’ story. I have one more on the way so stay tuned.
Lazarus was a heavy sleeper so,
Be sober, be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking some one to devour. - 1 Peter 5:8
But sometimes it is lumbering snorting bear seeking to burn your skin and rot your teeth, destroying your sunscreen and toothpaste.
Subscriptions make me feel uncomfortable. You don’t need another paid subscription in your life, and I know myself well enough to know that the pressure to perform on a regimented timeline would be too stressful for me. If you like what you have read so far, and want to support me and my family, I have a buy me a coffee page. Rest assured that all proceeds go to a good cause of providing chicken nuggets, diapers and clothing with various depictions of kittens/unicorns to children near me. Thank you!
Feel free to comment or answer these questions:
Have you ever been on a river trip? Where and when?
Have you ever had a close encounter with a bear or another dangerous wild creature?
Have you ever slapped someone before you knew what you were doing?